Slept like a baby
Whoever coined that must not have meant it in the literal sense unless they meant woke up hungry and covered in poop every few hours. If that was the case sorry…your true intent was lost to the winds of time.
Author: dkyo
It’s been about 2.5 months since P started daycare and it looks like he has finally started adjusting fully to daycare. What does that mean to me? I have a pretty low bar I think, but it was primarily three things I was looking for:
- He generally isn’t fussing during drop-offs or pickups
- He was fine week 1, but likely wasn’t sure what was happening as he started getting teary week 2 (apparently this regression is normal). By week 4 he started to understand the routine.
- Getting a normalish nap (we’re just looking for an hour and no tears)
- He used to sleep no more than 30 minutes and start crying once the lights went out.
- He isn’t scared of heading to daycare
- Luckily we didn’t have to deal with this, but there’s a reason we considered this important.
The following info were things that worked for us in getting P acclimated to daycare so YMMV. Also, note that in general we had the most control over the first point. A lot of the other ones were just things to wait out or look out for.
First point – No Fussing:
Why? I think most parents don’t want to start their day with a fight against their small humans (they can be strong when they want to be). Crying and the like is also a good way to guilt many a parent into staying longer than need be during drop-off.
Tips:
- Decide on a consistent point person for drop-off: We decided I would be doing drop-offs as I would be less likely to dote during drop-off during the beginning.
- Tell your kids what’s going to happen on the way out: I’ve heard kids understand a lot more than we think they do. I have no idea if this worked, but we do it in case he understands so he’ll know what to expect.
- Tell your kids what’s going to happen during drop-off: Same as above. Let them know you’re leaving, but you’ll be back. We will tell him which one of us will come.
- Have a routine on the way in: After a few drop-offs P and I started to get a routine on the way into school. I think this helps them acclimate and they feel like they’re somewhat in control over some stuff (they have so little control). Our routine was as follows: I would carry him while we were in the parking lot until we got to the sidewalks where he would get to walk to the classroom at his pace. We stop by and say hi to the tortoise. He gets to put his lunch on the shelf, he gets to take off his jacket, he gets to put away his water bottle, and then we say bye.
Second Point – Getting a normalish nap:
Why? I think we all know why. We don’t want a crazy kid come bedtime.
Tips:
- Home comfort item: If the school allows a little lovey it can help. Preston doesn’t really have anything he’s attached to, but we gave him something he knew was his anyways.
- Time:…sorry folks, I felt like this was more on the teachers and time to fix.
Third Point – Not scared of daycare:
Why? I don’t think most parents would feel comfortable making their kid go to a daycare that they seem scared of every day. We discussed this prior and thought this could be a sign of something else going on that the kid did not like
Tips:
- Have a backup plan: We luckily didn’t have to deal with this, but we did discuss other daycare options should this one just be a fantastic failure for our kid. We think not all daycares are suited for all personalities.
- Be ok with sunk costs: It would have been painful because we waited soooo long for this spot to open and there’s the registration fee, etc. But after discussing it we felt that if it were so bad that we really felt the need to pull P out, it was probably for the best.
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The parable of the sleep deprived Dad
This was from a while ago, but I needed…time to pass. I have made it a habit to put the seat down, but lapses do occur. I hope you all take the lesson to heart: Dads, put the seat down. Everyone else, enjoy.
When Mom’s away Dad will…decide to be a guy and not put the toilet down for once. Then he will proceed to go to the bathroom at 4 a.m., sit down with the illogical fear of waking the kid with his pee, and realize that mistakes were made…
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P’s First Spring Break
Wait what? Spring Break? Cabo? He’s not even 2?!?! Well…not quite, but daycares do often have a Spring Break…since Grandma is out that means Dad and Mom were juggling work a few weeks ago. It really felt hard to get any chunk of time to get stuff done while the other person was watching P, but we tried. Our main goal was to go do stuff and tire him out during the day and hope that he sleeps well in the evening. I think the plan worked…eh haha. He had good afternoon naps, but evening wasn’t all that different.
Overall it was nice to be able to spend some time with P though. I was able to take some walks to coffee in the morning with him where he got overpriced Oat Milk and a Manresa Bread Croissant (super Bay Area right?). He was able to walk further than I thought, but I still carried him half of the way. Carin and I were also able to go to a small science/zoo center that P really enjoyed. I think he just had a good time going out and hanging with us.
Additional bonus with my sister and cousin visiting that weekend. They could play with P and help keep him entertained. I was also able to spend a little bit of time on P’s learning tower and everyone pitched in to help move the planter setup along a little bit more as well. I was a little worried about him going back to daycare after the long week with Mom and Dad, but he was fine!
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P goes to Daycare, Week 2
P is onto his second week of daycare now. First week went ok. We ended up taking him home early the last day of last week so that he could get a decent nap. He was consistently only doing 1 hour of nap at daycare and whining the rest of the nap time. He also started to fake cry during drop-off, but doesn’t resist going to the classroom and is fine when the teacher holds him.
This week has been, well it’s hard to say because….surprise surprise: he’s sick and we haven’t been sending him to daycare. Tbh this might be from school or it might be from me. I came down with something over CNY and he might have gotten it from me. This is his first real cold (runny nose, cough), but he’s been a pretty good trooper about it. Hardest part is that nighttime sleeping has been rougher for him due to the congestion.
We took him to the doc just to confirm there wasn’t anything else than the common cold. Learned that decongestants don’t work well on kids P’s age and that honey is best for his cough.
Tip: I found out that directly taking the honey is better than mixing it in with a liquid.
Overall he’s still himself so we’re not super worried. Just gotta shrug it off.
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P goes to daycare
P just started daycare this week. We were finally lucky/patient/just darn waited long enough for P to get a spot at one of the daycares we were waitlisted at. I believe this one was only about a year and a half wait (unlike some other ones that basically just told me to come back when he was 2).
We were of course worried how he was going to handle the daycare environment given he’s been at home for the first 20 months. We decided to start with the “school day” schedule which gets off at 3 (right after their nap) to ease him into full day later.
Side note: I was a bit surprised by how many schedule variations are available at schools nowadays so it was good to get a sense of the different options and figure out what would work best for us.
We did a couple trial sessions where P came for one of the activities prior to actually starting and things seemed to be pretty good. He’s usually a bit shy to start and also hears less English at home (but we’re confident he’ll pick it right up once he’s there).
Outcome? Maybe I was already prepared for a worst case scenario, but after two days he’s had no tears on drop off so far. Strategy going in was to dump and run. My largest fear was the nap and both days he actually had pretty crappy naps, but he was able to fall asleep which was honestly more than I expected.
We’ll have to see how things progress as times moves on. I am thinking he may actually realize what’s happening and start to protest during drop-offs. I am also keeping an eye out for sniffles and behavior learned from others haha.
Me 3 Months ago
I actually meant to write this during or soon after our encounter with sleep training, but well…it didn’t go so well and we were too stressed out and I just forgot about it. Lots of folks will tell you that it’ll work eventually and you just have to stick with it. I will tell my friends that as well, but I will also give them my story about how well…the quote below sums it up.
“Preston wins” – my Dad
Sleep training is something most parents will go through at some point. What it means varies a lot, but the result most of us are looking for is…sleep…for us. Oh yes, for the baby too, but let’s be real. It’s the glimmer of hope that a logical method will yield an expected (and welcome) outcome.
Most of the time the recommendation seems to be that it’s possible to start as early as after the baby has already been weaned off of all night feedings. There are many great books for how to do that. One that I read and found to be ok was: 12 hours by 12 weeks. Obviously that didn’t work otherwise we wouldn’t need to try sleep training and baby would be sleeping 12 hours…
Me Now
At around 15 months P’s moved off a 2 nap cycle and onto a 1 nap cycle. We never went and tried any particular sleep training method again and he still is not what I would consider sleep trained (we still need to get him if he wakes).
I feel like I may just be consigned to the fact that at some point he will just grow out of it. Every once in a while he’ll give me a glimpse that he can sleep through the night. Unfortunately it also seems that the achievement ebbs and flows based on what’s going on with his development…I’ll be honest it feels like more ebbing than flowing.
On the up side that development has made him much more interactive…and mobile. I think understands a lot more than he lets on. He is also becoming more…opinionated.
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Escape…Success
Only 4 days of effort required to escape from the new blockade. Security measures must be increased.
Success is the sum of small efforts, repeated day in and day out.
-Robert Collier
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Subtle differences livin’ the #Dadlife
Had a few things this past week that all came together to make me realize all the subtle ways that being a parent has influenced my perspective.
- Purchases
Instead of scouring the fitness and electronics section during Prime Day, I found myself prioritizing “Watching” kid items and lightning deals. We got a kid gate, a few random toys, kid consumables, etc. That’s not to say I didn’t also grab some one off tech items, but I was definitely spending more time looking out for kid related deals and jus relying on sites for the “best” tech deals. - Work Schedule
Staying late for a team dinner means planning ahead. I also piggy back on and silently appreciate that folks finish around 8 so they can catch the CalTrain to SF. As a whole I try to leave work at a more normal time, which means fighting traffic for the 40% chance of seeing P before he goes to bed. - First Dad Moment with the slangs
My first moment of not understanding a term/saying as a Dad. This particular term is an adaptation of “It’s been a minute”. My buddy used it to replace “in a while.” E.g., “I haven’t had it in a minute.” or “I haven’t been there in a minute.”
Wait you say! How is this related to Dad life and not just you being lame? I admit, I may…nay probably would have also not understood had I not been Dadlife, but I realized that we’ve cut back on screen time since having P both to spend more time with him, but also to be more present/not get him too curious yet (he’ll have plenty of screen time in his life haha). This means I miss out on the terms being used in more recent TV shows. In an effort to catch up on interesting topics and maximize my time, I also do less music listening and more podcast listening or reading (I am told that “been a minute” is a common term in some new songs). So…verdict: Kinda #Dadlife related - P makes another land grab
My space is really just his space that I’m currently borrowing. We’ve been through a couple phases of his encroachment, but this weekend due to his increased mobility we decided to up the amount of space he can utilize in the family room. This meant moving out all computer/electronic equipment that used to reside there. - Weekend Past Times
What constitutes “going out” on the weekend has definitely changed. This weekend we went to Lemos Farm. I’ve driven by many a time, but never gone till now. Petting zoos, choo-choo rides, hay rides galore, and apparently a killer pumpkin patch in Oct I’m told.
Advice I got early on was “Go out while you can.” We still try to go out and while we find our timing and options to be more limited, I’ve found our definition and appreciation of going out has broadened. For better or worse going to get coffee, going to Costco/Target, eating AT a restaurant (not takeaway), etc now all count!
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Thought Experiment: P’s Future
I like to play a thought experiment game with myself and others. Thinking back to when I was a kid (PCs weren’t a thing) and now (PCs are ubiquitous) I wonder how P’s experience will already differ from mine and where there will be things he won’t relate to. <INSERT OLD GUY TALK> In my day…
The Self Driving Car: P won’t have a driver’s license unless he wants to have a hobby driving a car. I think by the time P is old enough for a license, it’s much more likely that he will be part of a subscription car sharing service. Or at least he’ll just be telling the family car where to take him and what time to pick him up. He will probably get a license when he’s older in case self driving cars haven’t fully penetrated the world. There may also be the case that riders of self driving cars may still need a new type of license designating the ability to take a self driving car by oneself.
The Automated Home: P will be used to talking to the house to have it do stuff.
I don’t think he’ll get the experience of always having a smart home (sorry P it’s expensive to get all those parts). He’ll probably still remember the dumb home, but my guess is at some point the cost of building these things into new homes will go down. It’s very likely he’ll have friends that have very smart homes and it’ll be the norm to talk to your home asking it random stuff (and also to have it play music, buy stuff, and tell jokes).
Shopping for groceries: P’s groceries will be delivered via robot courrier
This is more of a stretch, but heck this is my thought experiment and we do see robot food delivery beta testing out in Palo Alto. Groceries may not be that far behind. It may even by via…
Drones will be a thing: P will think drones are normal
Drones are still figuring out their niche, but I believe there’s enough momentum and benefit that it’ll be a norm somewhere. Whether it’s at the airport, surveying natural disasters, following a news anchor with a cam the industry will find its home.
E-Sports will be a thing: P will have just as many e-sports to follow as normal sports
Can’t say I’m unbiased. I’m super excited that e-sports has risen to a place of relative respectability in the sports world. I think there’s a chance that this will continue to grow and sprout out new teams and games.
Tablets will be more ubiquitous than laptops: P will want to swipe and touch all the screens
I’m not entirely sure, but I feel like tablets are on the rise. The older and younger demographic seems to be latching on to tablets (and smart phones) as the devices of choice. They offer fairly intuitive interfaces and many apps cover all the basic needs of this population. Laptops will still be used for working folks, but I wouldn’t be surprised if for most families tablets are used at home (except for the enthusiasts that want the flexibility that laptops provide). This idea is definitely open to debate.
Focus will be a skill that needs to be cultivated: P’s generation will be ADD and FOMO about everything
P is going to be growing up in a society that’s more “connected” and “on” than ever. Given that reality, I think it’s going to be hard for folks to disconnect. I believe his generation’s soft skill of choice to cultivate will be “Focus” akin to our generation’s skill of “Grit” I hope it doesn’t get to that point, but I believe the research is still so early no official recommendations will go out until much later.
College isn’t guaranteed: Fewer kids will decide that college is the best route for them.
With the cost of college growing I’m not sure what sort of financial burden going to college will place on P’s generation. I’ve personally started preparing for that via a 529, which I’ve written about. But who knows if that will even be enough to cover the growing costs. You can bet folks will be doing a cost benefit analysis given how the Millennials are feeling about college nowadays. That said, a lot can change between now and then, but policy moves slow.
Ok that’s enough for one sitting. Perhaps follow-up posts will follow as I discuss this with more folks. As always I’m open to hearing what others think…after all
