Only 4 days of effort required to escape from the new blockade. Security measures must be increased.
Success is the sum of small efforts, repeated day in and day out.
-Robert Collier
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Month: July 2017
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Subtle differences livin’ the #Dadlife
Had a few things this past week that all came together to make me realize all the subtle ways that being a parent has influenced my perspective.
- Purchases
Instead of scouring the fitness and electronics section during Prime Day, I found myself prioritizing “Watching” kid items and lightning deals. We got a kid gate, a few random toys, kid consumables, etc. That’s not to say I didn’t also grab some one off tech items, but I was definitely spending more time looking out for kid related deals and jus relying on sites for the “best” tech deals. - Work Schedule
Staying late for a team dinner means planning ahead. I also piggy back on and silently appreciate that folks finish around 8 so they can catch the CalTrain to SF. As a whole I try to leave work at a more normal time, which means fighting traffic for the 40% chance of seeing P before he goes to bed. - First Dad Moment with the slangs
My first moment of not understanding a term/saying as a Dad. This particular term is an adaptation of “It’s been a minute”. My buddy used it to replace “in a while.” E.g., “I haven’t had it in a minute.” or “I haven’t been there in a minute.”
Wait you say! How is this related to Dad life and not just you being lame? I admit, I may…nay probably would have also not understood had I not been Dadlife, but I realized that we’ve cut back on screen time since having P both to spend more time with him, but also to be more present/not get him too curious yet (he’ll have plenty of screen time in his life haha). This means I miss out on the terms being used in more recent TV shows. In an effort to catch up on interesting topics and maximize my time, I also do less music listening and more podcast listening or reading (I am told that “been a minute” is a common term in some new songs). So…verdict: Kinda #Dadlife related - P makes another land grab
My space is really just his space that I’m currently borrowing. We’ve been through a couple phases of his encroachment, but this weekend due to his increased mobility we decided to up the amount of space he can utilize in the family room. This meant moving out all computer/electronic equipment that used to reside there. - Weekend Past Times
What constitutes “going out” on the weekend has definitely changed. This weekend we went to Lemos Farm. I’ve driven by many a time, but never gone till now. Petting zoos, choo-choo rides, hay rides galore, and apparently a killer pumpkin patch in Oct I’m told.
Advice I got early on was “Go out while you can.” We still try to go out and while we find our timing and options to be more limited, I’ve found our definition and appreciation of going out has broadened. For better or worse going to get coffee, going to Costco/Target, eating AT a restaurant (not takeaway), etc now all count!
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Thought Experiment: P’s Future
I like to play a thought experiment game with myself and others. Thinking back to when I was a kid (PCs weren’t a thing) and now (PCs are ubiquitous) I wonder how P’s experience will already differ from mine and where there will be things he won’t relate to. <INSERT OLD GUY TALK> In my day…
The Self Driving Car: P won’t have a driver’s license unless he wants to have a hobby driving a car. I think by the time P is old enough for a license, it’s much more likely that he will be part of a subscription car sharing service. Or at least he’ll just be telling the family car where to take him and what time to pick him up. He will probably get a license when he’s older in case self driving cars haven’t fully penetrated the world. There may also be the case that riders of self driving cars may still need a new type of license designating the ability to take a self driving car by oneself.
The Automated Home: P will be used to talking to the house to have it do stuff.
I don’t think he’ll get the experience of always having a smart home (sorry P it’s expensive to get all those parts). He’ll probably still remember the dumb home, but my guess is at some point the cost of building these things into new homes will go down. It’s very likely he’ll have friends that have very smart homes and it’ll be the norm to talk to your home asking it random stuff (and also to have it play music, buy stuff, and tell jokes).
Shopping for groceries: P’s groceries will be delivered via robot courrier
This is more of a stretch, but heck this is my thought experiment and we do see robot food delivery beta testing out in Palo Alto. Groceries may not be that far behind. It may even by via…
Drones will be a thing: P will think drones are normal
Drones are still figuring out their niche, but I believe there’s enough momentum and benefit that it’ll be a norm somewhere. Whether it’s at the airport, surveying natural disasters, following a news anchor with a cam the industry will find its home.
E-Sports will be a thing: P will have just as many e-sports to follow as normal sports
Can’t say I’m unbiased. I’m super excited that e-sports has risen to a place of relative respectability in the sports world. I think there’s a chance that this will continue to grow and sprout out new teams and games.
Tablets will be more ubiquitous than laptops: P will want to swipe and touch all the screens
I’m not entirely sure, but I feel like tablets are on the rise. The older and younger demographic seems to be latching on to tablets (and smart phones) as the devices of choice. They offer fairly intuitive interfaces and many apps cover all the basic needs of this population. Laptops will still be used for working folks, but I wouldn’t be surprised if for most families tablets are used at home (except for the enthusiasts that want the flexibility that laptops provide). This idea is definitely open to debate.
Focus will be a skill that needs to be cultivated: P’s generation will be ADD and FOMO about everything
P is going to be growing up in a society that’s more “connected” and “on” than ever. Given that reality, I think it’s going to be hard for folks to disconnect. I believe his generation’s soft skill of choice to cultivate will be “Focus” akin to our generation’s skill of “Grit” I hope it doesn’t get to that point, but I believe the research is still so early no official recommendations will go out until much later.
College isn’t guaranteed: Fewer kids will decide that college is the best route for them.
With the cost of college growing I’m not sure what sort of financial burden going to college will place on P’s generation. I’ve personally started preparing for that via a 529, which I’ve written about. But who knows if that will even be enough to cover the growing costs. You can bet folks will be doing a cost benefit analysis given how the Millennials are feeling about college nowadays. That said, a lot can change between now and then, but policy moves slow.
Ok that’s enough for one sitting. Perhaps follow-up posts will follow as I discuss this with more folks. As always I’m open to hearing what others think…after all
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Tips for being a useful Dad
I’ve been there, maybe you have too. As a new dad it’s hard to figure out how to be helpful. I’ve got some quick tips that I found useful to well…feel useful. A lot of these probably fall into the range of common sense, but everyone does it a little differently. I’m sure some folks have ways that I hadn’t considered before too.
Tip #1: Breast feeding is hard. Make it as easy as possible for mom.
The takeaway from classes and nurses you’d think it’s this magical natural thing that will just happen. I’m sure it was that way for some people, but it wasn’t natural at all for us and it’s very stressful (it’s early on and you’re already like “Baby, just do what I want you to!”. Thus I decided my goal was to have Carin focus only on breast feeding for the beginning and I tried to take care of all the other stuff.
Why? Let’s break it down. Early on in a baby’s life, you’ll find that the doctor primarily wants to know “how much does the baby weigh?” They’re supposed to lose weight post birth and gain it back. Well how does a baby gain weight? It eats. Who feeds it? Mostly mom. If baby isn’t gaining weight back…well…there could be a number of reasons. But many moms will take that as direct feedback that they aren’t doing a good job feeding and it’s not a far leap from that to them feeling like they’re a bad mom. Dads. You don’t want this. No one is sleeping well and breast feeding strip mines the body’s nutrients. Also there’s postpartum to watch out for. Be positive and alleviate other factors which brings me to the following tips.
Tip #2 (Kinda): Discuss with your partner and have a clear understanding what night duty looks like.
One thing that was difficult to figure out early on was how to handle baby’s night schedule. You’re both sleep deprived, if you’ve decided to go the route of breastfeeding (either directly or via pump) that means that mommy is up anyways, paternal leave (if you get it) is usually much shorter than maternity leave which means you have job duties on top of daddy duties. Does it make sense to also be up? Cop out answer…it depends. Work it out with mom. That way everyone knows what to expect. I found it useful to wake up and help with the diaper changes and provide moral support early on, but as we settled into “normalcy” I stopped staying up for the night time feeds as much.
Tip #3: Clean the pump and bottles
If breast feeding was established it means you’re going to run into the pump at some point. These pumps have a ton of small parts that need to stay clean. If you’re not using the pump that means you have a ton more bottles to clean…bottles can also have quite a few small parts. Help mom. Wash the parts. Mom may also have a certain way she’d like the stuff washed. Just follow her rules on this. Carin dislikes washing them and grandma watches P all day so at home I’m the one primarily washing the bottles and pump parts. We also have a separate washing and drying rack for these parts. I do it that way.
Tip #4: Little things add up
You may be noticing a theme, but help out with things when you can. Volunteer to: change a diaper, feed him solids, wash the mess after trying to feed him solids, help bathe him, put him to sleep, etc. It helps your partner out, but guess what. It’s cliché, but these are the Dad things that you should appreciate while you can.
Tip #5: Give your partner a break
If you think being Dad is a full time job, just imagine being Mom. I feel like I have to work twice as hard to pull my Dad weight because a lot of the kid stuff just naturally falls with mom. Sometimes it’s nice for mom to just have a break without the kid. It might be a night out or lunch with friends. It might even be as simple as coffee break and some reading. We’re all 3 dimensional people, but that can be easy to forget while parenting.
Tip #6: Clean up after the kid
Once the kid is a bit older they’ll probably have an area to play in. And that place will likely be a mess by the end of the day. Help out by cleaning and resetting the area. I do believe that consistency and order helps them have certain expectations which makes life easier for everyone. Carin is a much more…clean and organized individual than I might be and while we have different philosophies on cleaning (I may have said that cleaning is moving things from A to B…) when it comes to P’s stuff I reset his area.
Disclaimer: I say Mom/Dad a lot, but the tips are meant to be applicable for all family types. I’m writing from my personal experience where Mom/Dad are the terms we use.